OPEN LETTER TO DR. STELLA NYANZI: I love your boobs though your head is sexier


Cartoon by Senior Cartoonist Atukwasize Chris Ogon. C/O Daily Monitor

Hail nudity! Hail human rights! Hail MISR! For you are all here to stay.

Dear Nalongo Dr Stella Nyanzi, my name is Davidson Ndyabahika, a Makerere University journalism finalist. I was “forced to smile” on hearing that you had received the keys to your office yesterday, after you undressed in front of the nation.

Since your sharp pointed boobs have been trending for hours now, I take the rare opportunity to address you sex goddessness professor!

You received hostile responses from different people, including your fellow professors. It is regrettable that they were too imprudently blind to see that you were making our institution glorified. Indeed we made history. Precedent has been set. And don’t be surprised if our global ranking improves – thanks to your erect boobs.

You know I have been your secret admirer for long. I fell in love with your literature sometime ago when my colleague recommended your pieces to me before elections. She’s  such a horny crafter, he had praised you.

Mama Stella, I am also honestly annoyed by those intolerant folks who up to now do not know that we have rights and they must be protected. Who is Lokodo to come and impose his sanctions on us ‘mbu’ decay of our morals? In Makerere, we are purely mature and we have for long enjoyed our optical nutrition from our fellow classmates with their seductive cleavages.

And I’m sure Prof. Mahmood Mamdani’s must have feasted on such succulent boobs. Your nudes were on point and I bet the good old professor enjoyed the video. You see even the VC came running to drool at your sexy body! And when he and other male professors had watched, pocketing, the VC declared that your office be unlocked!

Tel me this Dr Nyanzi: how did you think of this great idea? I marvel at the richness of your brains, sexy brains I should add!

Lokodo should have done a quick Google search before reacting. How could a full minister, moreover a Reverend Father, order for the arrest of a research fellow? Does he even know that you are a Nalongo? Why can’t he go and arrest those women in Karamoja? Hasn’t he seen them walk naked in his home area?

He doesn’t know our ethics; he should first come for lectures from you my dear professor. It is very normal to undress and stress your point. Let him deal with it.

On a personal note, looking at your boobs, I fantasized you at 18. Look, if your body can send Lokodo, Mahmood, and Ddumba pocketing, I cannot imagine what your male classmates went through.

I also want to thank you for helping us change our optical diet. Isn’t a restricted diet always monotonous? We have been seeing immature boobs from these little campus babes but you surely spiced our optical nutrition. We are grateful!

As university students, we are sorry Prof. that we had not been introduced to this new tactic. We shall employ it when need arises in our tuition struggles.

All our ladies have learnt from your example and all we can say is a woman body is such a powerful tool to attain anything in this world.

All those who have accused you I should say are simplistic in nature. They did not know how you save this institution. For starters, you managed to teach fellow professors that amongst them, they can find other bootylicious females like you for grabs instead of feasting on our underage female students.

I was shocked to hear Prof. Mamdan claim that you were not teaching. Who the hell does he think he is tell you to eat chalk? Unless the mode of teaching is through twitter, WhatsApp, facebook, blogging, Flickering, instagraming, etc do not accept to go back to chalk, that is also a right. We must liberate education through social media.

Let Mamdani tell his PHD students to go online and you can supervise them there.


Davidson Ndyabahika



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